A Fictional First-Person Narrative by God
(c) 2022 by Vernon Miles Kerr, VernonMilesKerr.com and UnorganizedTaxpayingChurchOfGod.com
The author credits the idea for this (humorously intended) piece, primarily to his Twitter-pal, in the United Kingdom, novelist Nicky Shearsby, and secondarily to inspiration, while engaged in today’s morning prayers. (Nic is all, “I love the first-person, I always write in the first-person.” And indeed she does, quite effectively, that. VMK
Hello, little Apes. Hehe, that’s what you Earthlings are: my beloved litle apes. I have other intelligent children on oher planets that’re other stuff — usually bi-pedal — at various stages of “civilization,” as y’all like to call it. I call it “health,” in this colloquial form of American English I’ve chosen to use today. “Why do you choose that,” you might ask. Because, let’s face it, due to your entertainment media and this (far,far from perfect) new medium you call “The Internet,” American colloquial English is now the Koine Greek of your modern Third Millennium — especially amongst your worldwide youth.
Anyway, here goes the “Dutch Uncle” stuff:
As much as y’all idolize the human body, (especially those ancient Greeks) y’all are just little, evolved apes. That’s it. Apes. I watched all of the species on Earth for a helluva long time before the creativity of your ancestors, and their social-interactions caught my eye. (Okay full-stop. I can hear some of you now: “If you’re the omniscient, timeless, omnipresent “God,” how come you couldn’t have predicted, all-along, exactly, what we would become?” Well, how come y’all can watch a suspenseful movie for the third time and still be surprised at the ending? I think y’all call it. “suspended disbelief,” don’tcha? Well, mine is perfect.
Okay, end of diversion. Yeah, ya’ll are just apes — pretty ones, IMO — but just apes, but with a secret, added ingredient: a tiny downpayment of my own mind given to an ancient “Adam and Eve” quite a while before your last Ice Age. All the “miraculous” stuff ya’ll can do, like, understand music, mathematics, the subtleties of Art and Storytelling, are a result of that downpayment. Along with it, I gave a deep desire to know the cause and the purpose of everything. Some of your religions call it “The God-shaped Hole” (I say, “your religions” because I damned-sure don’t claim any of ’em.) They’re all yours. I don’t hate ’em. They all do a lot of good, a lot of “Health” for your planet. They also do a lot of crap, to put it bluntly, and to put it mildly. But I love each and every one of you apes, no matter what “church” you go to. As some of you say, I’m “agnostic” to the religious organizations of y’all. I’ll take the good with the bad for the time being.
So what’s my plan for Earth? I’d like to see worldwide “health” (civilization) for your lovely piece of sapphire out there at one arm of the Milky Way galaxy. That won’t happen until y’all abandon those man-made religions, with their combative (sometimes to the point of blood) idolization of “holy books,” — which, yeah, I tried to inspire, but, y’all added-to, whenever your political or personal ambitions dictated. My plan is that each of you during your brief mortal lives, help me achieve, with minimal intervention from myself, that worldwide peace, health, civilization that I so fervently desire for Earth. Join my “Big Project” You dont’t need any of those “religions” to contact me. By the way, In order to speed the project up, I will add more of that secret ingredient to you, personally, if you seek it. You have to talk to me once in a while. Here’s my personal number…